boredom ,together with th overwhelming thoughts that kept flooding up my mind convinced me to blog again. not for long though probably till th next time im online th blog will be up for hiatus again.
so as i thought life was going to take a turn for th better it just got worst.
im stuck at home th whole time!!
for a week or a few days or so,i thought i had no friends at all.
everyone is busy living their life, and apparently i aint included. :(
i wouldnt be surprise if one day friends come up to me shock that im not dead.
okay, random.
you couldnt have believed it that i ve completed th whole of twilight saga(four books) before th holidays even starts! see how bored am i?
not that th books bores me, staying in th whole day at home reading barely makes up a life. !
i feel so lifeless!
i donte know where have all my independence gone to. i wish i had gone out alone & not just stay at home ... lifelessly
so here i am bloggin. cuz i am afraid, afraid that ..... might hit me someday. its really hard not to think that way since im so unhappy these day.
thank you guys for th tags.
but i would appreciate it if no flaming is involved.
it would only make matters worst.
i donte want any quarrels.
thus tagboard removed.
this blog will soon close down.
yea. i ve my god damn brother to thank.
he had totally banned me from th computer.
so i see no point in keeping this blog anymore.
however, yours truly promise to be back refreshed and confident.
meanwhile, i guess i will be buried with work & workout.
yes! for a lappie i can call my own & for a more confident self.
till then.
my mood is soo ruin.
i STILL donte see which part of th post is offending. i didnt make any sort of personal attack towards both of them. ok,so you may say, ive overdone it just becuz everyone reads it? tell me to laugh or cry?
As a blogger stand ,i blog what i find entertaining. If i get flame for that, then fine, tell me whats th point of blogging then. to write out th usual ;what i did today post?
i daresay, raymond is not offended by me bloggin it out. i daresay, he is offended becuz you guys purposely poke fun of him.
so donte call me up early in th morning just to do justice to you friend when you guys are laughing at it. it makes no sense. if youre not serious ,how do you expect me to take whatever you said as true.
Raymond was with u guys during th convo, why didnt he speak up?
He was so angry he carn talk?He was so angry he donte feel like speaking to me ever?
okay ,i may not know him as well as you guys do.
i ve asked for his respond from ym. she told me he was half pissed off and half uhm-chio.
so now, who do i apologize to. th guy who is affected by th post or th people who thinks what i ve done is too over?
well, me being me.
i do what i was told.
My apologies to raymond. plus post removed!
well, comment people. tell me whether my post was right or wrong.
only argue if th post didnt amuse you & it puts you off.
yours truly is very pissed off. my morning good mood is ruin. my breakfast mood is gone, while they happily chat away probably having my fav bah chor mee.
tell me how to not be angry.
HUMPH!
IM GONE!
FOR GOOD!
/*
edited
i just came home from school! yes, with a foul mood. very very foul. since i might be going on a hiatus anyway, might as well blog it all out.
seriously speaking, im really sick of being nice! i treat everyone nicely and they step all over me. !!
i closed th shop immediately when my bro was drunk so i could take him home,
i helped him cover up every one of his wrong behavior so he could still retain abit of his freedom,
everytime he comes down and find me during work,put it nicely, care for his, whats his ulterior motive, so he could cab home with me, & tell my grandma he was with me. put in a not so nice way,his just using me.
no?
well, what do i get?
i ve to fucking follow his word or FORGET IT.
i ve to bring th laptop to meet my friend at united square just fucking becuz he is heading there or i can forget about bringing th fucking laptop out.
i ve to give up my seats to him when his home although im half way thru my project so he could watch slam dunk or dota!
i ve to tolerate with all th shits he tell on me behind my backs to my grandma about me.
yes, my own brother.
that guy who calls me a slut yet benefits from me working in fusion.
i push back th whole waiting list so you could get th table first.
i charged your friends drinks like 1$$ so i have to top up th 0.5 cents.
im not being calculative here.
just think of how he treat me. & how i treat him!
can i not be sick of being nice.
i apologize for th slightest reason. or sometime for no reason just becuz i feel like im bothering someone else, so i said sorry. people call me weak,friends tell me off for being so.
do you think i really am weak?
do you think i really wont defend myself when people max my limits
recently whatever ive been hearing ,seeing and feeling kept accumulating inside me.so since im going off for good...so yea..
just two days ago,
i walked pass IT school & this bunch of @!%^%( *&^%#O (* im not going to name out that particular race ),they kept going like, FATttyyyyy fattt!! all th way till i finally walked far enuff for them to be hear. i donte know iif i was being paranoid or not, but i ve a bad feeling toward it.
then,in th lift, two small girls look up at me, they whisper into each other ears & they laughed out loud. were they laughing at me?? idk, but i ve a bad feeling.
then i walk pass two aunties, they were staring at me, then they started whispering into each other ears. the rest i donte wish to say.
how can i not be self conscious? not just strangers.
friends too! i know im not very ideal, &im not happy with it either.
but what do you know? other than calling me to keep working out all do you know how hard it is to instill discipline to go workout every night after school. th hardest part is having dinner right before it. im not complaining becuz i want to be skinny as well, but you guys are not pushing me th right way!
i really ve got alot to say.
i know all of it doesnt make sense but when anger gets th better of you.
you will realise you donte quite think well.
then past few days i kept thinking.
As if i wasnt ugly enuff,
god have to make me stupid.
i felt so ridicule today, i could have just melted down to th ground & just disappear from all of you for good! i felt so stupid.
As if i donte feel bad enuff i have to hear laughter.
yes, how dare he/she laugh.
& no there isnt a part of my presentation that is funny. i felt so dumb.
tell me ,do you know how isit like to feel like everyone had just made a joke out of you ,laugh at you.
all i conclude is i donte fucking deserve all this.
i treat everyone with due respect. i ve a speaking phobia, so i didnt expect my presentation to be good. i just didnt expect you guys to react this way.
enuff said.
will be back ,when something convince me to.
:( its not working!!! my phone is not charged at all!!!! i need a samsund charger!
anywayyy!! tmr is th last day of th term!!! :):) thou there is still term test.lol! ive only two papers ! :P
i would like to thank Michelle for being sucha caring friend!! :) :) she kept urging me to do my java project. & yep she got her friend to do it for me. just that stupid me couldnt explain it to th teacher. nevertheless, i really thank you, at least i handed up something! :):) && of course th friend too! :D for helping without asking anything in return!!
my last presentation,. that fucking screwed up wrtorial.
heh.
thank you guys for taggin! pls continue taggin thou i wonte feel like replyin! :D
another happy thing...
tmr is....
PAYDAY! :D
BYE
im really sick! omg. of all times! i just measured my temperature and its 38 degreee Celsius !!
i think i will see a doctor if i donte get well like tmr?
cuz tmr is ike th deadline of java proj. :/ mich's friend is doing it right now.
ohwell.. i got nothing t do now.
bye!
im darn darn tired!
happy birthday maxim! :)
hee. thanks siang cong for being sucha great host:)
steamboat at siangcong house ytd then yuewen's house till dawn. im so sorry i took up sucha big space .LOL i slept at th sofa whereas th others.. lol i donte know where else can they sleep. :P
anyway, school today. finally studio 8 is down. but we got a D so its really hard to tell whether we pass th subject anot.
im not going t blog about work. thanks ym many for acc me till dawn yea! (: love!
gna meet pk now
bYE! D:
im going to school now! :(
so boring. updates at night,maybe;)
happy belated birthday shi hong! :)
was 080808 suppose to be a lucky date?
cuz i was super down on my luck ytd! i woke up early & prepared for school.
ended up my past two day of efforts went down th drain becuz my format doesnt suit th school's computer format! :(
my mood for th day was so ruin. i went home & slept till late afternoon bfore i went for work.
thankfully, jesscy was around to make my day as usual! :)
loves!
&like always at th end of 2am there were only a few tables left:( & i didnt dare to go toilet ! lol!
luckily ,bro called & said he was heading down fusion. so i was left alone in th entire 2nd floor of th building! lol. for th 1 hour or something i was stoning & hoping nothing strange would start happening =/ thanks god bro came with passerby & bernard . if not.. i think i will pee in my shorts alr. :P i seriously donte dare to switch off all lights and take th lift alone down! i fear lifts okay.even if its only like th second floor. now i regret watching too much horror movies =/
anyway.. saw siewfong alight th cab th same time me and bro reach. & we totally freaked her out :P not on purpose k! heh.
just one more week! to study break & pay day!! :) hee. dsliteee!!! & i ve decided to work more during my 7 weeks holiday & save it all up for a lappie! weeeeee!!! i really am hoping i will save :(
now! im going t STUDY =.=
i just read ym's blog. its rare to see her being so full of thought yea.
& i too have been thinking about it.
she posted that friends are not forever anymore.
cuz they come and go?
thats sooo untrue!!!!!!
maybe for some who are deeply in love & fails to see the importance of their friends.
i still strongly that i ve friends who doesnt back stab me. although some have sort of betrayed this trust.
& friends do not come and go.
THEY ARE THE ONE WHO WILL BE THERE AT THE END OF TH ROAD!
just think ,one day you broke up with your gfs /bfs ,who will be there ultimately to console you?
your friends!
&thats also why people will think friends come and go anytime.
cuz they have already taken friendship for granted. its not a bad thing! cuz you know there IS someone who will be there to catch you when you fall!
haha. anyway, to ym.
you can trust me. no doubt, like i can tell no one :) i totally know how you are feeling right now.
xo!
so like, i did my wrtorial & went to borrow thumb drive from passerby in th morning. we had breakfast together:) heh. yea, i owe you alot of breakkiee alrr laaa!! :)
i went home & changed ,prepared to go school. but i thought since it was still early i slept. :( & i overslept !! i missed th trial for tmr's presentation :( i really find my presentation screwed ! its like everything doesnt link tgt!! -cries. anyhow, i ve decided on what to where tmr! :D
oh,i met up joan &her friend to work on studio 8. i guess we are saved! thanks to th friend! :DD
&i missed sher :( she was at cathay while i was on my way home from there. :(
nehmind,holidays coming real soon!
so right now,i should go read thru my power point a few more times before i go to bed!
ive lived 17 years being treated as non-existence .
hurayyy!! i donte even need to eat glass to be transparent.
how cool~
i was feeling damn lowww just now right after midnight.
thanks god passerby was on th phone with me.
i was thinking how come th pass few days you have been treating me sooo weirdly.
& it makes me soo downnnn to see a close friend so troubled yet i know nothing about it. :(
but still,i thank god i still had you to turn to!!!!!!!!!
or rather ,im so gald you called
i was sooo sad when you hanged up th call you made to my brother th moment i pick it up.
i tot you were hardcore anti-ing me already. & i totally lost it & kept crying .
then i uds thru msn that you tot it was my mother -.- so you hanged th call so abruptly .
im shiting like mad now. args.shouldnt have eaten yogurt just now.
alright, wrtorial has to be done!!!
school! uhm.. tense really tense. i donte know how to resolve everything right now cuz me myself is ina mess. ive got a presentation to do on friday. & i realllyyy am getting nervous as th day grew nearer. :(
&im so damn sure my presentation wonte be good at all. ! well, th studio 8 thing. uhm.. i know leeches are very disliked &it is really an issue here. im in no position to comment on it. but , i want to shout out to u girls that, whatever happen right now ,i hope that after Monday we'll be back to normal. :) i know not everyone is pleased with everyone & everyone wants th best for th project but since it has come to this point whereby what can be done is already done & there isnt any point of changing th arrangement of who is doing th ending part then we should just let it be that way. if we quarrel over this it might cause our relationship to sour & what happens after this project is completed? we'll go separate ways? im sure you girls donte want this. right?
humm.. so after school i took th express bus &went to BHSS! :D now every wed,im going to meetup with ym & coach her maths.maybe not coach, just supervise that she does her stuff & maybe help her with some of it.!
anyway,i wasnt with her for like two hours cuz ive to meetup one blogshop owner to collect my stuff . th journey to &fro cck is like crazy man. damn freaking long ,i slept thru. zzzz best thing my phone's batt went flat =.=
so after like1461461346 hours i finally reached novena & i was amazed to see her siting own there quietly doing her work. hee.
so i sat with her & she didnt have questions for me either. we talked more & decides to walk home from novena. donte be surprise its damn near -.- haha..
why do i feel like imo losing all my closest friend ?
i know its lameee to say this.
but i seriously realise i donte have a listening ear AT ALL!
can friends pls sympathize me?
i donte need people to tell me stuff like i will be there? & when things really happen ?
i feel that im sooo dispensable to you people that whether i exist or not doesnt make a difference at all!
i know i know ,you people have got your own friends your own stuff to do,your own life.
just let me be ,alright? just let me get use to life without you guys
i will be fine :)
ps. no commenting &no asking about this post.
:((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
this two days have been weirdddddddddddddddddddddddd.. :( th webapp thing is really disheartening :( we regret not working on it earlier. group mates have to work on it till 3 in th morning while i sleep throu my night like some pig.
args.i soooo hate myself. pk thinks i look tense up. i think i really am. i haven done my wrtorial, &i keep thinking im too tires ,so i push it to th next day. ARGS! tell me, can i donte hate myself for it.
i ve got no discipline ,no sense of urgency AT ALLL!!!!!!!!!!
ohwell, study break th week after >.< weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (:
alright,since ive alr done th quiz i will do th top part. & just cut off th bottom part.
here goes.
for mab:)
1. the last person to tag you is...mab:D
2. your relationship with him/her is...
good friends !
3. your first impression of him/her...
the very tall prefect!
4. the most memorable thing he/she had done for you
woke up at wee hours waking me ,max & marvin up at mac encouraging us to do our dnt :D
&& calling me and asking if im alright after my break up
5. the most memorable thing that he/she had said to you...
donte quite remember any? LOL
6. if he/she become your lover, you will...uhmm..go for sex change?
7. if he/she became your lover,things he/she has to improve on will be...carn think of any!!
8.if he/she became your enemy,you will...very unlikely pls.
9.if he/she became your enemy,the reason will be...
lol. idk, too guai lan?
10.the most desired thing you want to do for him/her now...
not really anything. but i really hope i can go watch movie with her soon! :(
11.your overall impression of him/her...
very very sweet ,nice and caring friend! her laughter is contagious!
fo marvin! :)
1. the last person to tag you is...marvin. duh-,-
2. your relationship with him/her is...
good friends !
3. your first impression of him/her...
th guy who got M shape fringe in primary school? LOLOLOL
4. the most memorable thing he/she had done for you
haha. SUPPLY me with all his coins for donte know how long .!
thanks ah! :D
5. the most memorable thing that he/she had said to you...
this is easy.
loving someone is setting him free, if he comes back he is always yours if he doesnt ,he is never yours.
6. if he/she become your lover, you will...go kill myself. hahahah!!! kidding.
i guess its near impossible, no chemistry at all!
7. if he/she became your lover,things he/she has to improve on will be...definitely must grow much taller :P no offence yo! i just like tall guys:P
8.if he/she became your enemy,you will...haha. ask him eat shit. :P
9.if he/she became your enemy,the reason will be...
LOL. too guai lan?
10.the most desired thing you want to do for him/her now...
nothin eh.
11.your overall impression of him/her...
not bad. LOL
im done here.
so im gone!
BYE
friends,pls do my quiz too k! :)
sigh..
suddenly feel so dejected. :( tired probably.
gimme a break.
im feeling like a loser. my whole week effort totally gone down th drain after two days. i must be crazy to eat.
omg,i sound like some anorexic people.
th next thing you noe i might be heading to th toilet and sticking my finger down my throat :x
haha.
why so emo man!
th start of tmr. NO MORE FOOD! for one week. :D at least a no carb diet.
:)args.
i soooooo hate myself!
BYE
im damn damn tired.!!!!
there is maths test tmr =XXX
i needa do my presentation. omgoddd!! :(:(
& i didnt do th vids for eyecandy:(
im damn freaking scared now. LOL
anyway, yesterday i was talking t ym online & i met her up before heading off for work.went t see some formal wear. G2000 is having crazzyy sales man. i want t get the blazer at 59$$ like today!!!
jesscy came too & we had pasta mania!!! :D
as usual they came slacked awhile till 9+ 10 & left:(
so.. nelson &co came around at like 1 +2am. & they also told me about some ... they bump into ._.
i was sooo scared i donte even dare enter th toilet pls. i even have to get xiao boy to accompany t th toilet. .___.
i closed around 5 am ,but stayed around till first bus. :)
yay! just 13 more days till payday! and just one more week! & thats it ,study break! then two papers & holidays! :D
my msn theme is dammnnnnnn cute now. its like a naruto theme skin. lol! damn damn cute.
but i want my own theme :(
rawwrrr..
work ytd, i closed early. & i was damnn scareedd . everyone was like, you alone closing not scared meh =/ then daryl told me something like people who got "third" eyes saw two girls at th back door!!!!! oh,ytd was th start of seventh month.
& ive heard about stories from felicia about....
anyone wants t accompany till 5 am every fri and sat till next month =XXXX
haha. ohyea, thanks daryl for accompanying me till i close .hee :)
better stop scaring myself, if not tonight i wonte dare close till morning. =/
&today's my bro's birthday! :)
happy birthday bro! :D:Dalright. i shall go study now! :)
quiz from zwei:P
1. the last person to tag you is...
zwei:)
2. your relationship with him/her is...
friends
3. your first impression of him/her...
haa! BF (now ex) of "her"
4. the most memorable thing he/she had done for you...
is there any?
humm...
5. the most memorable thing that he/she had said to you...
LOL. carn think of any!
6. if he/she become your lover, you will...
that will never happen. =p
7. if he/she became your lover,things he/she has to improve on will be...
his tummy to be gone =PPPP
8.if he/she became your enemy,you will...
9.if he/she became your enemy,the reason will be...
too guai lan :P
10.the most desired thing you want to do for him/her now...
-.-
11.your overall impression of him/her...
hahaha.
12.how you think people around you will feel about you...
quiet?
13.the character you love of yourself is...
i can be very independent :)
14.on the contrary,the characters you hate of yourself are..
im too quiet
15.the most ideal person you want to be is..
hahah. im happy being myself ;)
16.for the people that care and like you, say something to them..
you guys are th best-est thing that can happen in my life.
Pass this quiz to 10 people that you wish to know how they feel about you.
1.maxim
2.marvin
3.mabelynn
4.passerby
5.joan tp
6.pk
7.jaclyn
8.jesscy
9.ym
10.sher
18. who is no 6 having relationship with?
humm.. shes single! :D
19. is no 9 a male or female?
female:)
20.if no 7 and 10 are together,will it be a good thing?
haha. they have always been together =p
21.what is no 2 studying about?
mechanical engineering stuff lol.
22. when was the last time you had a chat with no.3?
since her birthday ? i carn remember?!?!?
23.what kind of music band does no 8 like?
humm.. hiphop?reggae? lols.
24. does no 1 have any siblings?
yeap 2.
25.will you woo no 3?
if im a guy,yes:P
26. how about no.7?
haha. she's like marrried? LOL
27.is no 4 single?
yep.?
28.what is the surname of no 5?
lim!
29.what's the hobby of number 4?
humm.. calling people at wee hours to wake up and pee?
lols.
30.does no 5 and 9 get along well?
haa.they donte know each other
31.where is no 2 studyin at?
ngee ann poly
32.talk something casually about no 1.
HUA YI TO HUO!!!! :) happy only!!
33.have you tried developing feelings for no 8?
ahaha.!! i ve always had feelings for her!! awwwwww...
34.where does no 9 live at?
boon keng
35.wad colour does no 4 like?
black & white.i think. lols. !! shit man, how can i not know!!!
red too? lols
36.are no 5 and 1 best friends?
they donte know each other.
37.does no 7 like no 2?
haa. lazy to think
38.how did you get to noe no 2?
secthree to four classmates
39.does no 1 have any pets?
no?
40.is no 7 the sexiest person in the world?
check her out yourself ;)
